This is random but much needed. We need a table talk on this one. I see too much out there that is affecting our boys and it is being covered by the thoughts of “Raising him to be a Man.”
Let’s address the no crying issue. Why are we telling them to not cry? I am a #boymom and I’ve learned over the years that sometimes our boys need to let it out. In the dictionary, crying is defined as shedding of tears, typically as an expression of distress, pain, or sorrow. It’s ok for girls to cry but the boys can’t. When they cry, they are looked at as weak and not strong. Us girls/women will cry our whole life; we’ve learned to cry and get it out and then attack the problem (becoming problem solvers). Since we are labelled emotional, there is no problem with crying. So how can a boy let it out? They are yelled at with questions like, “What are you crying for?” Well maybe because they have feelings, and they are hurt or maybe they are in pain. When you tell them, what are you crying for and then turn around and say, “I didn’t put my hands on you”; does that mean they only supposed to cry when in a physical altercation. Boys will grow up as men holding their emotions in until they can’t anymore and then it may come out the wrong way. How are they supposed to let their emotions out when there is a death in the family? Some men don’t know how to even deal with their mental state of being because of how they were raised on not letting their emotions out.
I was watching a reality show where a local rapper’s wife woke up having a panic attack. He didn’t know what to do. He asked her the next morning, how was she feeling, and she expressed to him that she needed him in that moment. He then explained to her that he doesn’t know how to deal or address this issue because he was told to hold things in and not cry. Our men today struggle so much mentally and part of it comes from childhood trauma. Being yelled at, told not to cry, spoken to in a belittled way, letting them know this is how you raised them up to be strong men. Well, I see it as raising them up to have mental issues as men and not knowing how to deal with it.
I believe our boys need the same tender loving care as our girls. Does this mean to baby them? No. I just think the first words coming out our mouth shouldn’t be to NOT CRY. When in counseling sometimes they tell you to scream and get it out, they make rage and smash rooms now for you to let out the hurt, pain, and anger. These are things made for some people who grow up not knowing how to let out their emotions. And then you have depression, Anxiety, suicide attempts and more. Although every situation is different, I think we should look deeper into our boys and let them know that sometimes it’s ok to cry. I’m no expert, I’m just a mother with a son. I also see men that were taught to not cry and as adults they struggle with mental health, but it is not brought to surface because of shame.
How can we fix this with our boys? Lets have a conversation about it.