Years ago I was mediocre happy, I say mediocre because I didn’t know happy beyond that point. When you haven’t experienced life on different levels and you’ve always been in a place of struggle you really wouldn’t know that happy can be beyond the little things that you have experienced.
Since the pandemic, I’ve decided to get counseling and figure myself out. I’ve learned so much of myself between the good and the bad. I’ve learned that it’s ok to not be perfect. For years I’ve tried to be perfect and the good girl in others eyes when now I know to just give the best me I can give and to not worry about if I am perfect to them. My counselor made me realize that I was the one that created the perfect me. I wasn’t told that I had to be a certain way in some cases. 2021, I did a lot of first that I couldn't or shall I say didn't realize I can do. I did some traveling to places I didn't visit until 2021. I gave my son his first plane vacation, which made me a proud momma. Since I graduated from college I have been saying I wanted to do a fashion show in Miami and even mentor girls, well I did that for the first time in 2021. I actually got me some therapy and more.
When you're stuck in a certain mind set you will never know that you have more of the world and happiness to experience. I was thinking that being able to buy a certain handbag, go shopping for my family and go places up the way like Disney World was happy. Having a job is happy, keeping the same set of friends no matter how toxic it can be is happy, staying in a relationship and working on fixing things that has been broken and can't be repaired is happy. All because I thought I was doing the right thing. Once I got out of that mind set, I started to see things a little different.
Of course going to Orlando and Daytona can be a happy place. I figured, this is all I can afford so go where you can afford and be ok with that. Well when I got to a place of understanding that hey, you plan and pay to enjoy the best; you will always have the best experience. It started to make sense. Plan accordingly, pay for the plane trip ahead of time, take care of everything else and when its time to travel have the funds saved and you can enjoy and have the experience of a life time.
When it comes to having a job, that's great you have one. I was happy just being in administration at a public school district but deep down I wasn't able to be great within my position. Once I started to explore different positions and options that fit my needs, doors began to open up. I've been promoted and moved to 2 departments within 2 years. I can now say I'm happy and if I want more I know how to move forward.
I have also experienced myself not being in a relationship that held me back. I won't touch much on that topic (I'll save it for another writing), but I'll just say I couldn't explore without thinking what my significant other would think or feel which made me settle for the bare minimum and I adapted to that lifestyle of Happy.
When I got therapy, I started to see myself. the good, bad and the ugly. I also started to see things clearly. Goals I’ve always wanted to accomplished wasn't accomplished in the past because of my mindset and my mental health. Only doing the bare minimum and settling for what make others happy started to look strange after therapy. Once I stepped foot into that place, there was no looking back. Now that I have experienced happy beyond the old mindset, I know there is more to come. So when you tell yourself that you’re happy or in a happy place, sit back and think about all the things you’ve done and are doing. Don’t settle! Don’t care what others think! Figure yourself out first and the rest will fall into play.